i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
