doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
