dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
