dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Enjoy the penises
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
