This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
