Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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