Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
