If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
