i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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