Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dick very happy bro
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
