we're chasing vodka with high fives
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
