I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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