just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
