who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
