Moan for me like Helen Keller
You smell like stripper and shame
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
