I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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