He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
