She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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