mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dick very happy bro
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
