I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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