Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
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