Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
