If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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