I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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