70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
