Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
