ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
