Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
