I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
