this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
