Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
