I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
