My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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