Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
