My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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