Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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