i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
