Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
