Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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