My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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