She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
