so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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