im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
