they need to just BURY HIM!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
