yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
