She's JV to your varsity
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
