just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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