My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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