We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
