Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
