Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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